Photographs By Hilary

So, I don't usually write blogs about my personal life...& I've never been much of a writer anyway, but some people find it therapeutic to write out their thoughts, so I thought I'd give it a try...

With it being a new year & all, & being a combination of sick/down in the dumps all weekend, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life, professionally & personally...I've been quite unsatisfied for some time & I just don't feel like I'm doing what I should be doing...Maybe I'm just getting burnt-out, but I feel like I need to take a break & step back from "professional" photography for a while...

Photography has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember...I didn't exactly choose this profession, it kind of chose me...2010 will be my 9th year doing wedding photography & I've probably been doing family, kids, seniors, etc. for at least 12...I always knew I wanted to be an Artist, to be creative...Other than that, the only other thing I ever wanted to be was a Mommy...Taking pictures for a living has allowed me to work from home & keep my almost 22-month old baby girl, Paven, home with me...Sounds great, but balancing work & housework & spending enough time with Paven has been difficult to say the least...I find myself putting Paven off a lot to do my work, which consists of hours & hours in front of the computer editing pictures...I end up lots of times just having to wait until Paven goes to bed to sit down & work, which results in me being up 'til 2 or 3:00 in the morning, so I'm exhausted when Paven wakes me up first thing the next morning, then I'm grouchy...Not to mention, I barely ever get to go to bed at the same time as my husband, then he's grouchy...It's a vicious cycle that I'm quite frankly getting sick of!

7 years ago this week, I closed down my shop, "The Cherry Tree"...I was so happy when I had that store...I absolutely loved it...I was only open for 8 months when I had to close my doors...I was actually doing really well...until I got my first heat bill...whoa...Plus, I was getting busier & busier with photography, & I'm only one person, so I had to choose...Running 2 businesses all by myself (& making them successful) = impossible...So here I am again, 7 years later, trying to decide which path to take...

My passion is art in all forms...While I'm able to be creative taking pictures of people for a living & I do love to see how happy my photography makes some people, it's still a lot of pressure, trying to please people all the time & give them what they want...I don't always feel like I can be myself, like I can when I'm creating art just for me...I've been trying for some time now to sell my photography as art, greeting cards, calendars, etc. & I've made some sales, which gives me such an icredible feeling! I would love to pursue this more...I need to take more time to create & be with my family, without all the pressure & deadlines...This may mean a big cut in my income, but it would be worth it to be the kind of wife & mother I need to be...plus, I would love to have more babies :)

If I could do anything in the world, it would be to sell my photography & to have my shop again...I'm hoping that someday, my art will start paying for itself & I will be able to open a gallery/shop for myself & other struggling local artists to sell their work...Until then, I need to build my portfolio, keep getting my work out there, & be there more for my family & friends...I was 23 years old when I opened my shop & I wasn't scared at all...I had so much confidence...I don't look at closing it as a failure at all, but an amazing learning experience...I'm 30 years old now, & I'm realizing that the older you get & the more responsibilities that you have, the harder it is to take chances & to do what makes you happy, but I'm ready for a change & I think moving on is what I need to do...